You never know who...

You never know who your actions could affect or how we are all connected. I was surprised to hear this from a college friend...

"Great to hear that you are doing STP and even better that you are raising fund for LLS. My nephew is currently undergoing treatment for leukemia. He was diagnosed at 16 months in May 2006 and we have a projected end date of treatment being October 2009. It's still a long road ahead of us, but he is strong and we have a great network of supportive friends and family. My nephew's name is Colin and here is a website that has a journal of his treatment as well as photos so you can see just how dang cute he is! www.caringbridge.org/visit/colinmatthewward"

Got a little teary after that email, too. I may need more kleenex for this whole project.

Secret Cycling Signals

I almost played hookie from a group ride for the first time (already). I was starting to feel crummy, so I had one of those conundrums - will pushing myself make it worse or will I feel better if I get out there and get moving? I got up. I got back under the covers. I got up. I dove back in. Finally I decided to just get up, start getting myself there, and reserve the right to turn back at any time (interestingly, the same approach I use to make myself go to parties where I won't know people). I was tired the whole time, but glad I got out there. Of course, now I'm on the couch with a full fledged cold, but at least I feel like I earned the down time.

We went around Lake Sammamish (22 mi), which was fun but had some hairy side-of-road conditions. Lots of things on the side of the road easily threaten balance on those skinny road bike tires and therefore our lives (that's why bikes don't always get all the way over to the side of the road; please be patient and/or vote for bike lanes). The first time I went on a ride with a group of cyclists, I was so impressed with how helpful and polite they were... they kept pointing out road hazards like bumps, holes, and glass for me. Turns out that is standard practice and completely necessary for riding close together in a group when you can't see what's up ahead (other than the dairy aire in front of you).

I bet you already know about putting an arm out for a left turn signal and the funny "L" shaped arm for right turn (I always wondered why you didn't just throw your right arm out; it's because the cars are usually on that side of you). But that's just the beginning! Slowing or stopping is an arm down with palm facing back, and for a grate/hole/post/etc. you point and yell whatever it is. Going around something up ahead (a pointing around your back motion) and loose gravel (jazz hand out to the side) are my favorite. The only catch is that I seem to need both hands on the handlebars when something worthy of signaling about comes up.

Then there are other great things to yell like "car back", "dog up", and of course, "on your left" (one of those musical phrases that reminds me of my dad, being a kid, and the Burke-Gilman Trail). But I'll spare you and leave it at that. Stay tuned for a lively exploration of all that super-stylish bike attire... trust me, there are good reasons why cyclists choose to look that silly.

Unsolicited bike safety tip of the day: Did you know you should replace your helmet after one crash or every 3-4 years regardless? It's true, so do it. Luckily, price has nothing to do with the safety functionality as long as there's a CPSC sticker.

The Letter that Wrote Itself

When I signed up for Team in Training, I was excited about the team part and the training part, but skeptical about the fundraising part. I am very uncomfortable asking people for money. Even for something I know is important. And when they give us all of their creative fundraising ideas, I think "That's nice, but I'm not doing that!"

But after one meeting where they made us cry with a film about a girl who died of leukemia whose dad completed an Ironman in her honor, I felt the depth of what we were doing. I remembered how heart wrenching it was to slowly lose one of our favorite moms at school to cancer last year. And I began to hear a voice that could risk enough to speak up out. Even though I have only been peripheraly affected by cancer (so far, knock-on-wood), I've struggled down a few dark roads that revealed some of how precious life is and the potential for my own strength. Once I connected my own experience to the cause, I started typing the dreaded fundraising letter and was astounded to see how quickly it revealed itself on my screen.

It felt like a big risk sending my heart out in a letter asking for something in return. But worth it - for myself and for what it might accomplish. And when I got my first donations with beautiful words of encouragement, I got tears in my eyes! Thank you.

Time Trial Angst

We had a "time trial" ride around Mercer Island to see which training groups we should break up into. It is amazing how much my ego is wrapped up in how I compare to other people. I firmly believed that I should ride at the "conversational pace" they recommend to best gauge my appropriate starting training pace, but I really want to WIN! And it's been a while since I've really ridden on a regular basis, so I'm not happy with the numbers on my speedometer. Settle down, lady. I know better than to push too hard at the beginning of any ride; a lesson too hard learned to repeat.

But it felt great to get out there and push it!! And then I ate grilled cheese with my niece and nephew and skipped caucusing. Not a bad day.

Your Physical Therapist is Your Friend?

I felt some nagging knee pain on our first ride, so I finally gave in and got an appointment with a physical therapist (I'm not gonna make it 2,600 miles + 204 miles in pain). I've had knee pain since swimming in high school when no one really took it seriously, including myself. Then playing water polo and swimming in college really did them in. And one of the kneecaps can dislocate, so I have to be careful. It seemed to work to take everything really slow when I started my mini-triathlon phase two years, and biking seemed to help. But I've been slacking off majorly this winter and the pain has came back.

I was excited to do something good to take care of myself. But the experience was completely blah. We just didn't click. I'm sure the therapist was competent, but I don't think "loosey goosey" is a technically a medical term (using it once or twice is fine, but a more specific diagnoses might inspire more confidence). And the way she was talking, I felt like it was my fault that my knee hurt me. She told me to do leg lifts, which was what I heard ten years ago, and sent me on my way. Even worth the $20 co-pay? I'm thinking not.

So what do I do? How personally attached to the professional service providers in your life do you have to be to be productive? I don't know what I would do if I didn't love my doctor, and I know I need a great relationship with my hairdresser, or it's not happening. I don't have other options nearby within my health plan, but isn't it rude to try someone else in the same clinic? I don't want go there dreading the possibility of passing her in the hall. It's not fair! I was trying to do something good, but now it's too complicated.

Maybe I'll just do my own leg lifts for free and hope for the best.

Ride Your Bike to Portland!

My next "Life List" item is a go. Last summer was the summer of the triathlon, something I had always wanted to do but never thought I could. This summer it is STP! I blame Laura for setting the standard back when we were 14. Finally it's my turn. I signed up for Team in Training, so there's no backin' out now!

STP is one of those things that I keep thinking will happen for me someday. As if life is something that just happens to me. A few years ago I was waiting for another (much more achievable) event to happen - seeing Dave Matthews at the Gorge - when in a rare moment of clarity, I asked a friend to go, bought tickets online, and voila - dream achieved. And when Dave spontaneously broke into Blackbird the next year, I had one of those rare moments when there was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be.

After that, I looked at these vague ideas of "things I've always wanted to do" little differently, and I started to pull some of them out of idea state into list form:

• See DMB at the Gorge (check)
• Swim across the bay at our cabin (note: Boy Scout Camp on the other side might have something to do with that childhood dream, but check)
• Sew a quilt (with a little help from Mom, but check)
• Knit a sweater (3yr old size, but check)
• Build a bookcase (a garage and one Spring Break later, check)
• Visit Santa Fe (check)
• Triathlon (check, check, and check - warning: some items may become habit forming)
• STP (workin' on it)
• Climb Mt Rainier (next summer?)
  
• Learn Spanish
• Make gnocci from scratch
• Paint a still life of an eggplant
• Learn to weld
• Fly fish in Montana, hike in Utah Nat'l Parks, surf in Costa Rica, drink wine in Italy... (and a good list of other destination specific adventures)
• Learn to play Blackbird on the guitar (I've always said I could die happy if I could do this, and I'm thinking I should work on it just in case...)

I have a few other dreams that are a little loftier and involved, but it turns out there are many things I want out of life that may actually be achievable. Experiences that I want to become part of who I am. To broaden my experience of myself and the world. And not to be so held back by fear. To get into life and be more of myself.

There is so much we do not have control over in life. But what if we could maximize that which we do have some control over? Who could we be? What could we achieve? You'd think I'd have gotten to the gnocci by now.